I am in London. "The Borough of Kensington and Chelsea," specifically, in my 14th floor room at the Holiday Inn-Kensington Forum. I'm watching some HGTV-type show with British people (surprise) buying antiques.
Everything about my journey thus far has been incredibly novel. All of Britain is novel to me. Charles Darwin is on the back of the £20 note. Right now I have these coins: 1 penny, 2 pence, 5 pence, 10 pence, 20 pence, 50 pence, and 1 pound (which, incidentally, is much smaller than most of the other coins, but weighs considerably more). You have to put your room key in a slot by the door and leave it there in order for the lights to function. You have to hold the toilet flusher in for as long as you want it to flush; not push it once and have it flush everything down like in the US. These types of things.
I got on my British Airways flight at 9:20 last night, Chicago time, and arrived at Heathrow about 11:30 this morning, London time. (I think we are 5 hours ahead of home here.) The flight was surprisingly enjoyable; it went quickly; it was the most comfortable and posh flight I have ever been on. I rode in economy class, of course, so to get to my cabin I had to walk past First Class, where each passenger gets his/her own private compartment, and some kind of "Club Europe" class, where each passenger gets a special reclining seat and footrest. But in my cabin, my seat was equipped with a little TV screen in the seat in front, and a package laid on the seat that contained a pillow, a British Airways blanket, a pair of headphones, and a little pouch with socks, a toothbrush, toothpaste and eyeshade. (I have never felt like more of an easily amused American than when oogling over my plane care-package.) I watched the BBC World News, a terrible Ashton Kutcher movie that was filmed in Silverlake (it was pretty cool to recognize scenery in a movie), and listened to the new Bruce Springsteen and Aimee Mann albums on the in-flight radio while I dozed off a bit. We got dinner sometime during the night -- beef lasagna, a salad, a roll, a little bottle of white zinfandel, and a little piece of chocolate chip cake. In the morning, we got a little breakfast pouch with orange juice, blueberry yogurt and a blueberry muffin.
So, we got to London, got our luggage, got our passports stamped, and got in a funny 9-passenger VW van and drove, on the wrong side of the street, to our hotel. I rode all the way from Pittsburgh with a kid named Zac, who is from Pittsburgh and goes to Mercyhurst in Erie; my roommate here in London is a girl named Tina who goes to school in Austin, Texas; they're pretty much the only people I've connected with so far. We got checked into our rooms, Tina got in the shower and I went downstairs to touch base with Mom and Dad and Jut. (We were told not to use the phones in our rooms because they charge £1 a minute or something.) But by the time they connected me with Mom and Dad, my phone card had gone from 180 minutes to 37 minutes -- absurd! So I talked to them for a bit, called Jut and unknowingly got him out of bed, forgetting it would be 6:30 am in New Mexico. By the time I got back up to my room, Tina had gone, and Zac wasn't answering his door. So I got in the shower, washed off the airport dirt, and decided to venture out on my own.
I suppose I should be able to manage on my own in London for a few hours; I am an adult. But I was particularly proud of myself, just meandering around the neighborhood, getting used to Europe. My goal was to get to the bank a few blocks down to change my dollars into pounds, but I took the long way and got to see lots of cool old apartment buildings, cafes, pubs, shops, and Brits. Everything is very light here; even the smaller side-streets are wide and bright because of the nice, white-painted houses lining them. It definitely feels more open and vibrant than other cities/neighborhoods. I didn't get hit crossing the streets because at each sidewalk crossing, the words "LOOK LEFT" or "LOOK RIGHT" are painted on the ground. I guess the British get confused, too? I did have a bit of trouble navigating because the street signs are posted low to the ground on fences in front of houses, and are sometimes obscured by shrubbery. So, I peeked in a few coffee shops, found an internet cafe that charges £1 for 20 minutes, perused a used bookstore, and ended up at the bank. I got $60 changed into £31.25 by a nice Asian lady who didn't charge me commission because I am a student. She also offered to get me some Czech crowns before I leave for "a good deal;" I think I'll just wait until Praha.
I decided to find a grocery store next, so I wandered into a small mall-type conglomeration called the Gloucester Arcade, and found a Waitrose supermarket. I think I walked around for 20 minutes just looking at prices, figuring out what I wanted to get, how to get it cheapest, working up the nerve to go to the cash register. It definitely felt like a foreign country, although I'm not sure why. I finally decided on a small loaf of Irish stone-ground wheat bread, a package of English cheddar cheese, and some bananas -- all for £3.37!
I was hungry and wanted to find a nice park or bench to sit and eat my bread and cheese, but this is a pretty densely concreted area, with the exception of Hyde Park, which is quite a few blocks North. So I started walking back toward the hotel on a side street and came across an awesome old stone church -- The Parish of Saint Stephen or something. It had a little courtyard and a bench in it, so I sat there and enjoyed my own private pocket London and a snack. I was kind of glad I lost track of all my "new friends," because I needed that time to just get my bearings here, go out on my own, fend for myself, and get a personal taste of London.
I'm still at the point where I want to remember every single thing that happens here, write it down, tell it to everyone back home. I'm sure this will wear off.
We have a meet-and-greet-and-have-a-few-drinks with the rest of our group at 6:00, and I've been relaxing in my room, watching BBC, and writing for the last half hour or so. Zac came back and wanted to go get something to eat in a bit, so I will probably walk around some more then. He walked up to Hyde Park this afternoon; something I definitely want to do tomorrow. We are doing a 3-hour sightseeing tour in the morning, which ends at the Tower of London. I think I want to walk down the Thames after that, see the Globe Theater and go to the Tate Museum of Modern Art (which is free, I think!). Then perhaps hop on the Tube and go up to Hyde park, Bloomsbury. I want to just walk around and explore and be a tourist, but my own tourist. This is a cool city, not obnoxious (at least not in this part), and I'm excited to see more of it.
I might take a nap now, to get over my jet-lag a bit and not be anti-social at the gathering.
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Monday, August 29, 2005
Weary Memory.
Listening to Illinoise. I can't stop listening to it. At first I resented all the mainstream recognition, but they're all right. It's incredible.
I leave for Prague tomorrow. Well, London, then Prague. At this time tomorrow night I will be on the plane there.
I've been having some insane memory-moments these past few days. For some reason, being here makes me think about being at my apartment in Squirrel Hill. Weird things have been triggering these insanely vivid memories, like visceral, tangible ones. They other day I put on this deodorant that I used last year, but hadn't used in LA, and I was instantly transported to taking a shower and putting on a tank top to get ready for a spring/summer Pittsburgh outing with Jut. And I used this conditioner in my hair that I hadn't used all summer and it was the same -- that feeling of getting ready for a night out, or in. . .just a good night, where I knew exactly what to expect and knew I would be completely happy and fulfilled. I could feel that.
I've been saying that I like being on-the-road for these months, to not have a place to lay my head. But it has been so nice being with Jut, and now being at home, living a normal life, not going 20 hours a day, having a bedroom and a bathroom and a kitchen that are mine to use. I know Prague is going to be different from this summer, which will be good, but I'm ready to be a real person again, with a normal existence. And I miss Jut. Like, more than I have, ever. I just keep thinking about things and thinking about life and I'm like, I want to do this -- to sruggle together and be poor flippin idiots in San Francisco, to have fun and be young and in love and not know what the next step is but not care. I want that like crazy. Which is crazy.
So, here I go. My next post will be from Europe.
I leave for Prague tomorrow. Well, London, then Prague. At this time tomorrow night I will be on the plane there.
I've been having some insane memory-moments these past few days. For some reason, being here makes me think about being at my apartment in Squirrel Hill. Weird things have been triggering these insanely vivid memories, like visceral, tangible ones. They other day I put on this deodorant that I used last year, but hadn't used in LA, and I was instantly transported to taking a shower and putting on a tank top to get ready for a spring/summer Pittsburgh outing with Jut. And I used this conditioner in my hair that I hadn't used all summer and it was the same -- that feeling of getting ready for a night out, or in. . .just a good night, where I knew exactly what to expect and knew I would be completely happy and fulfilled. I could feel that.
I've been saying that I like being on-the-road for these months, to not have a place to lay my head. But it has been so nice being with Jut, and now being at home, living a normal life, not going 20 hours a day, having a bedroom and a bathroom and a kitchen that are mine to use. I know Prague is going to be different from this summer, which will be good, but I'm ready to be a real person again, with a normal existence. And I miss Jut. Like, more than I have, ever. I just keep thinking about things and thinking about life and I'm like, I want to do this -- to sruggle together and be poor flippin idiots in San Francisco, to have fun and be young and in love and not know what the next step is but not care. I want that like crazy. Which is crazy.
So, here I go. My next post will be from Europe.
Sunday, August 28, 2005
T Minus 3 Days till Europe. . .
Back at home for a few days. Beaches is on the Women's Entertainment Network. I think the girl playing the little Bette Midler is BLOSSOM!
My two weeks in the Southwest were amazing. I spent two great days with Brenna after my train rolled into Albuquerque -- we drank good micro-brews, made healthy dinners, ate at quirky restaurants, and smoked menthols on her front porch. I got to meet her boyfriend, Kevin, who was quite nice and welcoming, and see all the cafes Nob Hill has to offer. It was great to catch up with her, talk about our respective futures, jobs, men, and just be real. I definitely felt that I wasn't able to be real this summer, so it was a welcomed return to normalcy, to my comfort zone, to a great friend.
On Saturday morning, I had Enterprise pick me up at Brenna's and take me to get a car so I could drive to Glenwood and see Jut. The salesman was a top-notch asshole and flustered me into signing up for some insurance thing, promising he'd take off two days' worth of charges. I just wanted to get the heck out of there and on the road, so I signed the papers and hit I-25.
The drive to Glenwood was fantastic. Those first few days after YW I felt like everything I did was exactly what I needed at that very point. Spending time with KJ and the conversations we had were what I needed, hanging with Brenna was what I needed, and I definitely needed those 4 hours in the car by myself on the New Mexico backroads. I was only on the interstate for about 60 miles; the rest of the trip was all state routes. When I first saw the mountains on Rt. 180, I started crying -- it was a culminating moment of everything that had happened in the past 3 months, and everything that is going to happen in the next 3. It may be cliche, but it was a moment of "God made these amazing mountains, He takes care of this whole wilderness, how can I be so worried about my life, how can I not know that He's going to take care of things for me." And I hadn't really felt that all summer, so it helped me realize how much I needed just to enjoy those days in New Mexico and the coming months.
I rolled into the Ranger Station and Jut was walking to the dumpster outside his apartment -- I didn't even recognize him. I was like, who's that skinny, hairy kid over there? Oh, it's Jut!! It didn't take us long to get reacquainted, but I think we were both a little nervous about seeing each other -- 3 months is a long time to be away, and neither of us really knew what to expect of the other after the strange summer experiences we've had. But Jut made me dinner that night, we drank a bottle of wine and were quite back to normal.
I got to meet all the people Jut has been working with this summer, who seemed really cool. We went down to Silver City to go grocery shopping -- after I planned out what meals we wanted to make and made a detailed grocery list of their ingredients. The next day we went for a day hike on one of Jut's favorite trails, overlooking the Mogollons and getting my lungs accustomed to hiking at the altitude. We decided to go on a road trip Tuesday, originally destined for the Grand Canyon. We got as far as St Johns, Arizona, when a tire on the rental car blew. I just about flipped, having had enough of the rental car shite already. So we called Enterprise, who connected us with AAA, who were going to send someone out (in an hour) to check out the tire, because I thought rim was bent, and didn't know how to put on the doughnut. They happened to be doing road work on that portion of 180, and soon enough a few Arizona DOT workers came by and pulled over. They turned out to be really nice guys who changed the tire and pointed us toward an auto shop in St Johns to get a new one and continue our trip. So we went to some hickish car place and bought a used tire for $20; a 14-year-old kid put it on for us and even straighted out the hubcap, which was bent out of shape. We got back on the road and ended up in Flagstaff, where we drank beer, ate hamburgers, and walked around the cool old downtown there. We camped about 1,500 feet above the city at a secluded campground in the mountains, and went for a nice morning hike before heading back east.
Sometime during our driving we decided to abandon the idea of the Grand Canyon (mostly because my dad told us it cost $20 to get in, because of all the tourists at the South Rim and the extra 5 hours of driving to the North). So we opted for Canyon de Chelly on the Navajo Reservation; it took a day of driving on the Res to get there, which is worth it in and of itself. What a flipping depressed place. You forget that places so poor exist within this country. Seriously, by the time we got to the campground at the canyon we were both just drained from the intensity of it. But the Canyon is pretty cool -- like a mini Grand Canyon, but you can hike to the bottom, which has lots of green grass and trees and houses and sheep farms still used by Navajo people. The whole thing is run (supposedly) jointly by the National Park Service and the Navajo people, so it's a bit more cultural than the Grand Canyon.
We started driving back south after the Canyon to go to these natural hot springs Jut had been to in the Jemez Mountains. We got there and shared the hot pool with a bunch of middle-aged Albuquerque hippies, some of whom were nude, and all of whom were obnoxious. But we had a great view of the mountains and it was definitely something I'd never experienced before. The day was still young, so we headed down to Albuquerque and crashed in on Brenna; fortunately we had a 6-pack of Fat Tire to offer. We spent the next two nights there, right in the middle of the killing spree of a schizophrenic man who murdered 5 people, including 2 cops. It was good to be back in the city again, doing city stuff, cafe-hopping, sitting at bars. Albuquerque is a nice place to visit, and I really did like it, but I'm not sure I'd ever want to live there.
We left for Glenwood again on Saturday, just so we had plenty of time to relax and enjoy our last few days together. We cooked a lot and drank a lot of beer, went for a nice hike in the Whitewater Canyon where we hiked during spring break, saw a big old rattling rattlesnake on the trail. Jut took me to this awesome natural pool on the creek, where we stopped for lunch and sunned on these huge rocks. I was glad I got to go to Glenwood and see what his summer was really like. He didn't let on to me how difficult it was; I knew he was lonely, but didn't know how lonely. So we had lots of time to talk, to try to explain our summers to each other, even though we didn't really know what they were like ourselves. We talked about the future too, how it is possible that I might be in San Francisco in a few months, that I can stay with him until I get my feet on the ground, get a job, my own place. It is exciting to think about that -- about being in San Francisco, being with Jut, the fact that I won't be a college student after these next few months, that I will be an adult. Exciting and scary as hell, too.
I got back in the car and drove to Albuquerque, took the car back to Enterprise. Of course, they tried to charge me $500 for it. I tried to be very firm and bitchy, especially about the blown tire pain-in-the-butt, but I just started crying. I told them that this salesman flustered me into paying for the insurance, and told them the deal he pitched to me. They actually honored it and took off the two days, so that is to their credit, at least. I had them drop me off at a cafe on Central, where I sat and felt lost for a few hours. Brenna got off work and I went to her house; she cried with me a bit when I told her about saying goodbye to Jut. We ordered pizza and watched movies with Kevin, and I only had one bout of hysterical crying. Brenna and I had coffee the next morning and she took me to the airport. After a day of flying, I was back in Mom and Dad's car.
I'm still getting used to the thought that I won't see Jut until Christmas. Especially after spending such an amazing week with him, really being right back to where we were, having things go even better than I even expected. . .it's like, Oh, okay, see ya then. It was harder than I thought it would be to leave Glenwood -- quite emotional. But I feel incredibly good about us. Compared to the sort of in-between place we were at the beginning of this summer, not really know what was going to happen, I feel confident that our relationship will endure these next few months, and that we will be together. Although our lives are probably going to change more in the next few months than they did in the previous ones, at least we will still be in our normal roles of students -- despite new social situations and locales -- so there is that to count on. I feel like the bigger obstacle was getting through this summer, and we've done that. This fall will be hard, but I feel good about it. I'm excited to go to Prague and tell people my boyfriend is going to graduate school at Stanford. Hot.
My two weeks in the Southwest were amazing. I spent two great days with Brenna after my train rolled into Albuquerque -- we drank good micro-brews, made healthy dinners, ate at quirky restaurants, and smoked menthols on her front porch. I got to meet her boyfriend, Kevin, who was quite nice and welcoming, and see all the cafes Nob Hill has to offer. It was great to catch up with her, talk about our respective futures, jobs, men, and just be real. I definitely felt that I wasn't able to be real this summer, so it was a welcomed return to normalcy, to my comfort zone, to a great friend.
On Saturday morning, I had Enterprise pick me up at Brenna's and take me to get a car so I could drive to Glenwood and see Jut. The salesman was a top-notch asshole and flustered me into signing up for some insurance thing, promising he'd take off two days' worth of charges. I just wanted to get the heck out of there and on the road, so I signed the papers and hit I-25.
The drive to Glenwood was fantastic. Those first few days after YW I felt like everything I did was exactly what I needed at that very point. Spending time with KJ and the conversations we had were what I needed, hanging with Brenna was what I needed, and I definitely needed those 4 hours in the car by myself on the New Mexico backroads. I was only on the interstate for about 60 miles; the rest of the trip was all state routes. When I first saw the mountains on Rt. 180, I started crying -- it was a culminating moment of everything that had happened in the past 3 months, and everything that is going to happen in the next 3. It may be cliche, but it was a moment of "God made these amazing mountains, He takes care of this whole wilderness, how can I be so worried about my life, how can I not know that He's going to take care of things for me." And I hadn't really felt that all summer, so it helped me realize how much I needed just to enjoy those days in New Mexico and the coming months.
I rolled into the Ranger Station and Jut was walking to the dumpster outside his apartment -- I didn't even recognize him. I was like, who's that skinny, hairy kid over there? Oh, it's Jut!! It didn't take us long to get reacquainted, but I think we were both a little nervous about seeing each other -- 3 months is a long time to be away, and neither of us really knew what to expect of the other after the strange summer experiences we've had. But Jut made me dinner that night, we drank a bottle of wine and were quite back to normal.
I got to meet all the people Jut has been working with this summer, who seemed really cool. We went down to Silver City to go grocery shopping -- after I planned out what meals we wanted to make and made a detailed grocery list of their ingredients. The next day we went for a day hike on one of Jut's favorite trails, overlooking the Mogollons and getting my lungs accustomed to hiking at the altitude. We decided to go on a road trip Tuesday, originally destined for the Grand Canyon. We got as far as St Johns, Arizona, when a tire on the rental car blew. I just about flipped, having had enough of the rental car shite already. So we called Enterprise, who connected us with AAA, who were going to send someone out (in an hour) to check out the tire, because I thought rim was bent, and didn't know how to put on the doughnut. They happened to be doing road work on that portion of 180, and soon enough a few Arizona DOT workers came by and pulled over. They turned out to be really nice guys who changed the tire and pointed us toward an auto shop in St Johns to get a new one and continue our trip. So we went to some hickish car place and bought a used tire for $20; a 14-year-old kid put it on for us and even straighted out the hubcap, which was bent out of shape. We got back on the road and ended up in Flagstaff, where we drank beer, ate hamburgers, and walked around the cool old downtown there. We camped about 1,500 feet above the city at a secluded campground in the mountains, and went for a nice morning hike before heading back east.
Sometime during our driving we decided to abandon the idea of the Grand Canyon (mostly because my dad told us it cost $20 to get in, because of all the tourists at the South Rim and the extra 5 hours of driving to the North). So we opted for Canyon de Chelly on the Navajo Reservation; it took a day of driving on the Res to get there, which is worth it in and of itself. What a flipping depressed place. You forget that places so poor exist within this country. Seriously, by the time we got to the campground at the canyon we were both just drained from the intensity of it. But the Canyon is pretty cool -- like a mini Grand Canyon, but you can hike to the bottom, which has lots of green grass and trees and houses and sheep farms still used by Navajo people. The whole thing is run (supposedly) jointly by the National Park Service and the Navajo people, so it's a bit more cultural than the Grand Canyon.
We started driving back south after the Canyon to go to these natural hot springs Jut had been to in the Jemez Mountains. We got there and shared the hot pool with a bunch of middle-aged Albuquerque hippies, some of whom were nude, and all of whom were obnoxious. But we had a great view of the mountains and it was definitely something I'd never experienced before. The day was still young, so we headed down to Albuquerque and crashed in on Brenna; fortunately we had a 6-pack of Fat Tire to offer. We spent the next two nights there, right in the middle of the killing spree of a schizophrenic man who murdered 5 people, including 2 cops. It was good to be back in the city again, doing city stuff, cafe-hopping, sitting at bars. Albuquerque is a nice place to visit, and I really did like it, but I'm not sure I'd ever want to live there.
We left for Glenwood again on Saturday, just so we had plenty of time to relax and enjoy our last few days together. We cooked a lot and drank a lot of beer, went for a nice hike in the Whitewater Canyon where we hiked during spring break, saw a big old rattling rattlesnake on the trail. Jut took me to this awesome natural pool on the creek, where we stopped for lunch and sunned on these huge rocks. I was glad I got to go to Glenwood and see what his summer was really like. He didn't let on to me how difficult it was; I knew he was lonely, but didn't know how lonely. So we had lots of time to talk, to try to explain our summers to each other, even though we didn't really know what they were like ourselves. We talked about the future too, how it is possible that I might be in San Francisco in a few months, that I can stay with him until I get my feet on the ground, get a job, my own place. It is exciting to think about that -- about being in San Francisco, being with Jut, the fact that I won't be a college student after these next few months, that I will be an adult. Exciting and scary as hell, too.
I got back in the car and drove to Albuquerque, took the car back to Enterprise. Of course, they tried to charge me $500 for it. I tried to be very firm and bitchy, especially about the blown tire pain-in-the-butt, but I just started crying. I told them that this salesman flustered me into paying for the insurance, and told them the deal he pitched to me. They actually honored it and took off the two days, so that is to their credit, at least. I had them drop me off at a cafe on Central, where I sat and felt lost for a few hours. Brenna got off work and I went to her house; she cried with me a bit when I told her about saying goodbye to Jut. We ordered pizza and watched movies with Kevin, and I only had one bout of hysterical crying. Brenna and I had coffee the next morning and she took me to the airport. After a day of flying, I was back in Mom and Dad's car.
I'm still getting used to the thought that I won't see Jut until Christmas. Especially after spending such an amazing week with him, really being right back to where we were, having things go even better than I even expected. . .it's like, Oh, okay, see ya then. It was harder than I thought it would be to leave Glenwood -- quite emotional. But I feel incredibly good about us. Compared to the sort of in-between place we were at the beginning of this summer, not really know what was going to happen, I feel confident that our relationship will endure these next few months, and that we will be together. Although our lives are probably going to change more in the next few months than they did in the previous ones, at least we will still be in our normal roles of students -- despite new social situations and locales -- so there is that to count on. I feel like the bigger obstacle was getting through this summer, and we've done that. This fall will be hard, but I feel good about it. I'm excited to go to Prague and tell people my boyfriend is going to graduate school at Stanford. Hot.
Saturday, August 27, 2005
Road Trip Map
A map with our route plotted on it. The far-west destination is Flagstaff, the far-east is Albuquerque, far-north is Mexican Water, AZ, and southern-most is Silver City, NM. Gallup is the center around which we circumnavigated.
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Jut deChelly
Justin at one stop on our Southwestern Road Trip, overlooking Canyon de Chelly on the Navajo Reservation in Northeastern Arizona.
Meg deChelly
Me on the trail down to the bottom of the canyon. It's like the Grand Canyon, but more indie. Mostly because you say "Chelly" like "Shay." And because you don't have to pay $20 to get in. And because it's on the Res and you can't have alcohol and a dirty hippie from New York has to inform you of that after you've already finished a 6-pack and started on a jug of wine.
Humping Hoppers
This is the strangest of the wildlife I saw in New Mexico -- a pair of psychedelic grasshoppers that happened to be mating along the Gold Rush Trail in Glenwood. (Other natural hilights of the week included a rattling rattlesnake right on the Whitewater Canyon Trail, a wild horse in the middle of NM-12, cockroaches in Brenna's kitchen, and a small-ish tarantula in Justin's apartment.)
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Train Comin' Round the Bend. . .
If I stayed on this train, I could go back to LA. No, thanks.
I slept most of the bus ride to Raton. It was a Greyhound that Amtrak uses as a shuttle to a train station, so now Jut can't make fun of me for never having ridden one. It wasn't very crowded and I had a whole two seats to myself, so I tried to figure out the 3 Mennonite couples that got on in Colorado Springs, listened to Sam Beam, enjoyed the scenery near the Colorado/New Mexico border, and slept. We took 25 the whole way to Raton, stopping at Colorado Springs and Pueblo. Raton was interesting -- a tiny peach-colored adobe building that was the train station. Apparently we lucked out and it was open, because it is closed 8 months of the year and you have to handle your own bags and just chill on the side of the tracks instead of on the 40-year-old chairs inside the lobby.
So now I'm on the upper level on the last passenger car, watching the brown grass and little shrubs go by. We were following the highway for a while, but now we're in the middle of nowhere. Either the telephone poles here are really short, or they just look so because I'm on the second story. There were some mountain-goat-ish looking animals a while back. (I don't have any idea what they really were; the mountain goat thing is wishful thinking.) I think we're stopping in Las Vegas, NM and Santa Fe before we arrive in Albuquerque.
Riding a train is so different than a plane. People actually want to engage in conversation -- the whole time we were waiting in Raton, I talked with an 85-year-old black lady from Denver who was going to Long Beach to visit her daughter; a 50-something lady from Denver who was going to San Bernardino to visit her daughter; and a 60-something retired nanny who was going home to Flagstaff. Now I'm sitting next to a lady who has her two daughters and they're going home to Riverside after spending time in Denver. The car is a lot different, too -- there is so much more leg room, body room, reclining room. It is quite nice. And the lounge car is awesome -- it has full length windows that go up over the top of the car, too, and there are little chairs and it's all light. It looks like a train from the movies. I think I would like to try to train more often.
I think I might go check out the dining car and see how overpriced it is. I've already eaten like 80 granola bars and it would be nice to get some real food.
I slept most of the bus ride to Raton. It was a Greyhound that Amtrak uses as a shuttle to a train station, so now Jut can't make fun of me for never having ridden one. It wasn't very crowded and I had a whole two seats to myself, so I tried to figure out the 3 Mennonite couples that got on in Colorado Springs, listened to Sam Beam, enjoyed the scenery near the Colorado/New Mexico border, and slept. We took 25 the whole way to Raton, stopping at Colorado Springs and Pueblo. Raton was interesting -- a tiny peach-colored adobe building that was the train station. Apparently we lucked out and it was open, because it is closed 8 months of the year and you have to handle your own bags and just chill on the side of the tracks instead of on the 40-year-old chairs inside the lobby.
So now I'm on the upper level on the last passenger car, watching the brown grass and little shrubs go by. We were following the highway for a while, but now we're in the middle of nowhere. Either the telephone poles here are really short, or they just look so because I'm on the second story. There were some mountain-goat-ish looking animals a while back. (I don't have any idea what they really were; the mountain goat thing is wishful thinking.) I think we're stopping in Las Vegas, NM and Santa Fe before we arrive in Albuquerque.
Riding a train is so different than a plane. People actually want to engage in conversation -- the whole time we were waiting in Raton, I talked with an 85-year-old black lady from Denver who was going to Long Beach to visit her daughter; a 50-something lady from Denver who was going to San Bernardino to visit her daughter; and a 60-something retired nanny who was going home to Flagstaff. Now I'm sitting next to a lady who has her two daughters and they're going home to Riverside after spending time in Denver. The car is a lot different, too -- there is so much more leg room, body room, reclining room. It is quite nice. And the lounge car is awesome -- it has full length windows that go up over the top of the car, too, and there are little chairs and it's all light. It looks like a train from the movies. I think I would like to try to train more often.
I think I might go check out the dining car and see how overpriced it is. I've already eaten like 80 granola bars and it would be nice to get some real food.
Riding That Train, HIgh on Cocaine. . .
I am at Union Station in Denver. It is 5:30 am, and I have been here for 45 minutes. My bus for Raton, NM, providing connecting service to Albuquerque via the Southwest Chief, leaves at 6:00. There is free wireless here, of course.
I had an interesting night at the Hostel. After I wrote, I went out to look for a light rail/bus schedule, and ran into Christian and Mark, two guys who had just gotten in. They were probably in their 40s, friendly, a little bit uncomfortably so. I got a new roommate, too, a Korean girl who turned on all the lights and banged around and pissed off Eileen. When she got there, she locked me out of the room by mistake, so I talked to Christian for awhile and he told me his life story -- everything from his fiancee dying in a car accident to being homeless in Guatemala and Phoenix to coming back to Denver after being attacked by a dog. He offered to walk with me this morning to the train station, but I told him he didn't need to, and I left before I told him I was going to so as to prevent the awkward early-morning company.
The lady at the Hostel said I could catch the light rail to 16th Street for $1.25, and then catch a free bus to Union Station from there, so I got up super early (not that I slept last night anyway) and started walking to the light rail station. But I wussed out after about 2 blocks -- I have a ton of crap with me and it's heavy!! -- and called a cab. So I got here for $6, almost an hour early.
Right now it is me and a bunch of old ladies. This must be the old lady train to New Mexico. I guess I didn't get the memo. So, it's an adventure. I hope I can sleep a bit on the bus so I'm not a huge pill when I get to Brenna's. The ticket window just opened, so I better go get hooked up.
I had an interesting night at the Hostel. After I wrote, I went out to look for a light rail/bus schedule, and ran into Christian and Mark, two guys who had just gotten in. They were probably in their 40s, friendly, a little bit uncomfortably so. I got a new roommate, too, a Korean girl who turned on all the lights and banged around and pissed off Eileen. When she got there, she locked me out of the room by mistake, so I talked to Christian for awhile and he told me his life story -- everything from his fiancee dying in a car accident to being homeless in Guatemala and Phoenix to coming back to Denver after being attacked by a dog. He offered to walk with me this morning to the train station, but I told him he didn't need to, and I left before I told him I was going to so as to prevent the awkward early-morning company.
The lady at the Hostel said I could catch the light rail to 16th Street for $1.25, and then catch a free bus to Union Station from there, so I got up super early (not that I slept last night anyway) and started walking to the light rail station. But I wussed out after about 2 blocks -- I have a ton of crap with me and it's heavy!! -- and called a cab. So I got here for $6, almost an hour early.
Right now it is me and a bunch of old ladies. This must be the old lady train to New Mexico. I guess I didn't get the memo. So, it's an adventure. I hope I can sleep a bit on the bus so I'm not a huge pill when I get to Brenna's. The ticket window just opened, so I better go get hooked up.
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Rocky Mountain High. . .
I am at the Melbourne International Youth Hostel, reclining in my glorious bunk bed, sharing the lamplight with my 70-year-old roommate, Eileen. There is supposedly a kid from Boston signed in the book downstairs, but I haven't seen him. In fact, all I've seen is Eileen, and another old lady watching TV in the lounge. Eileen are the only people in this 6-bunk room, and I just took a nice shower and there is a cool, rainy breeze coming through the window by my bed. I haven't seen rain in two-and-a-half months, and it is fantastic. All for $14.75. Can't beat it. I was hoping there would be a convenience shop or a bar where I could get a beer, but it's sort of secluded. It's probably better if I just go to sleep.
I got up this morning and had coffee with KJ and Yendra, and then went to the office with KJ. We were planning to go to Estes Park to hang out and talk about his book, but we didn't have time because he had to go to a staff lunch meeting that he forgot about. So I tagged along and ate Sechuan Chicken on the Christ Community budget, and saw the inner-workings of a mega-church first hand. I don't think I could ever work at a church. It felt like I was in A Mighty Wind but with a church -- I couldn't take them seriously, talking about the "Tiny Tots" program and the "Kid's Connection" program and the "Mommy and Me" program. But hey, it takes all kinds, and if that's working for them, then great.
We ended up just going to a cafe in Greeley right by the UNC campus called Margie's, which reminded me a lot of the Beehive but less indie-fabulous. So we talked about the book, tentatively titled The Diner Effect and Dale even came by, because he's an accountant and he can work whenever he wants (or doesn't want). So while they talked through ideas, I typed them up as an outline, which I'm going to email to them so they can start writing. Yendra came for a bit too and we all just talked through ideas, dialogued about the three main ideas of the book: (1) grace as cheap vs. costly; (2) the concept of acquaintance vs. relationship; and (3) the church as the bride vs. the whore. It has just been so encouraging to talk with KJ and Yendra and Dale, to engage with them, intellectually, spiritually. I really didn't want to leave this evening. KJ and I had an awesome conversation in the car on the way here, too; he's been studying a lot of Judaism lately, really taking the New Testament in the context of the Old Testament, which is where the authors of the NT were coming from. He shed light on a lot of things for me -- from evolution to Revelation to communion to baptism -- all of which make so much sense when looked at through an Old Testament lens. If I do my b.Phil about Biblical decontextualization, I am totally moving to Greeley for the semester and using KJ as my outside advisor.
So, it has been an awesome few days in the greater Denver area. Spending so much time with cool, relevant, thinking Christians has been wonderful -- it has made me realize that I need people like that in my life, and I'm excited to find them when I finally decide a place to settle down in, at least for a few years. It was somewhat surreal to be hanging out with KJ, at his house, with his wife; but it's really cool how we can just pick up where we left off two years ago and be completely comfortable, have great conversation, smoke menthols. The relationships you form with strangers when you live with them 24/7 for 3 months doing one of the strangest jobs ever are good ones.
I got up this morning and had coffee with KJ and Yendra, and then went to the office with KJ. We were planning to go to Estes Park to hang out and talk about his book, but we didn't have time because he had to go to a staff lunch meeting that he forgot about. So I tagged along and ate Sechuan Chicken on the Christ Community budget, and saw the inner-workings of a mega-church first hand. I don't think I could ever work at a church. It felt like I was in A Mighty Wind but with a church -- I couldn't take them seriously, talking about the "Tiny Tots" program and the "Kid's Connection" program and the "Mommy and Me" program. But hey, it takes all kinds, and if that's working for them, then great.
We ended up just going to a cafe in Greeley right by the UNC campus called Margie's, which reminded me a lot of the Beehive but less indie-fabulous. So we talked about the book, tentatively titled The Diner Effect and Dale even came by, because he's an accountant and he can work whenever he wants (or doesn't want). So while they talked through ideas, I typed them up as an outline, which I'm going to email to them so they can start writing. Yendra came for a bit too and we all just talked through ideas, dialogued about the three main ideas of the book: (1) grace as cheap vs. costly; (2) the concept of acquaintance vs. relationship; and (3) the church as the bride vs. the whore. It has just been so encouraging to talk with KJ and Yendra and Dale, to engage with them, intellectually, spiritually. I really didn't want to leave this evening. KJ and I had an awesome conversation in the car on the way here, too; he's been studying a lot of Judaism lately, really taking the New Testament in the context of the Old Testament, which is where the authors of the NT were coming from. He shed light on a lot of things for me -- from evolution to Revelation to communion to baptism -- all of which make so much sense when looked at through an Old Testament lens. If I do my b.Phil about Biblical decontextualization, I am totally moving to Greeley for the semester and using KJ as my outside advisor.
So, it has been an awesome few days in the greater Denver area. Spending so much time with cool, relevant, thinking Christians has been wonderful -- it has made me realize that I need people like that in my life, and I'm excited to find them when I finally decide a place to settle down in, at least for a few years. It was somewhat surreal to be hanging out with KJ, at his house, with his wife; but it's really cool how we can just pick up where we left off two years ago and be completely comfortable, have great conversation, smoke menthols. The relationships you form with strangers when you live with them 24/7 for 3 months doing one of the strangest jobs ever are good ones.
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
All The Gold in California. . .
I am done. I made this official today by drinking a Red Hook draft at an airport bar, and smoking Marlboro menthols with KJ this evening.
Our closing retreat was surprisingly amazing. I didn't realize how much I had bonded with my Area, the San Diego and San Francisco staffs, how much fun we had together and how well we had gotten to know each other, despite the short amount of time we got to spend together. We had a blast hanging out the past few nights, going to dinner together Sunday night, staying up late playing Mao at the hotel, having an emotional processing time Monday afternoon, a great time of just us worshipping Monday night, staying up together and finally falling asleep at the church.
It was also surprisingly difficult to say goodbye today. I didn't feel all that invested in this whole thing this summer as it was happening, but as I realized that I might never see any of these amazing people again, all that has happened in the last two-and-a-half months hit me. Tyler and I saw Ricardo off at 4:00 this morning, praying together one last time, crying. I saw Tyler and Stephen off at 6:00, and then rode to the airport with Becky, Ross, Ben, Brandon, and Jessica. We went to the bar and celebrated, said our goodbyes, and Becky's mom and brother came to get us. They dropped me off at the Applebee's in Brighton, Colorado, where KJ was going to pick me up. I said goodbye to Becky and sat on a bench in front of the restaurant with all of my crap, watching them drive away and just crying, feeling more lonely than I've felt in a long time.
It's crazy to go from living in this type of community -- the support, accountability, love, encouragement, presence that is so constant. And even for all the times I may have wanted to get away from it, have time to myself, for people to just leave me alone -- it really is powerful to live like that, and when it is suddenly gone, it really hurts. I truly grew to love all those fools this summer, especially Becky, Tyler and Ricardo. Despite how we must have felt when we met each other, having nothing at all in common, wondering how in the world this summer was ever going to work out, God drew us together, and I'm walking away from this summer with a bunch of life-long, dependable friends.
I kind of hate the closing retreat because it makes me forget about all the crap we deal with during the summer and makes me love YouthWorks again. Honestly, last night I was listening to someone talk about a site in Wyoming and I was like, "Yeah, I could totally do this next summer and go to a rural or reservation site!" It's sort of absurd. I hope I have a real job by next summer so I don't have to fight about whether or not to come back.
So, I'm at KJ's now in Greeley -- he picked me up from Applebee's and we went to lunch with his friend, Dale, who has been working with him on the book he wants me to edit. We had good, stimulating conversation about the relevant church, youth missions, and mega-churches over pizza with artichokes and avocados and cream cheese and tomatoes. We went to KJ's church and he showed me some of the stuff he's been working on with his youth group. He's really doing an amazing job out here -- it was just refreshing and encouraging to see a youth pastor who cares about his kids, who wants to challenge them and engage them, who is helping them grow, after all the jerks we've seen this summer who don't seem to care. He also made me edit a letter his secretary wrote for him. With a red pen.
We hung out with his youth tonight at a Tuesday night "Cafe" hang-out thing they do. At first I was like, "If I have to engage with kids one more night I'm going to knife myself in the eye," but it was good. His kids are cool, and it was awesome to see a bit of their post-mission-trip processing, just to reinforce that they get something out of it. I also got to hang out with an adult leader from San Francisco two years ago and just catch up with her, which was great. The bonds I've made through YouthWorks never cease to amaze me.
It's been awesome to chill with KJ and Yendra at their house -- all of which are awesome. Yendra is really cool; I like her a lot. I had really no idea what to expect of her, but she's a really sweet girl and it was great to talk with her this evening. Their house is really cute -- they've done a ton of work on it and have made it into a home. Instead of a TV in their living room, they have a lilly pond/waterfall thing with fish in it. KJ said that not having a TV forces them to talk to each other and hang out together, even when they might not want to. They're working on their basement now, and I have it all to myself for my stay -- a room with a big double bed, a bathroom with my own shower. It's cool to see KJ and Yendra together -- I can hear them talking upstairs in bed, and it's really cute. I'm sure they have their share of troubles, as any young couple does, but they are cute together and it's just nice to be around them.
I'm going to turn in early, being as I slept about 3 hours last night. KJ is taking the day off tomorrow and we're going to Estes Park to hang out at cafes and talk about his book, and then I'm finding some way back to the city to my hostel. Train-ing out bright and early Thursday morning to Albuquerque!
Our closing retreat was surprisingly amazing. I didn't realize how much I had bonded with my Area, the San Diego and San Francisco staffs, how much fun we had together and how well we had gotten to know each other, despite the short amount of time we got to spend together. We had a blast hanging out the past few nights, going to dinner together Sunday night, staying up late playing Mao at the hotel, having an emotional processing time Monday afternoon, a great time of just us worshipping Monday night, staying up together and finally falling asleep at the church.
It was also surprisingly difficult to say goodbye today. I didn't feel all that invested in this whole thing this summer as it was happening, but as I realized that I might never see any of these amazing people again, all that has happened in the last two-and-a-half months hit me. Tyler and I saw Ricardo off at 4:00 this morning, praying together one last time, crying. I saw Tyler and Stephen off at 6:00, and then rode to the airport with Becky, Ross, Ben, Brandon, and Jessica. We went to the bar and celebrated, said our goodbyes, and Becky's mom and brother came to get us. They dropped me off at the Applebee's in Brighton, Colorado, where KJ was going to pick me up. I said goodbye to Becky and sat on a bench in front of the restaurant with all of my crap, watching them drive away and just crying, feeling more lonely than I've felt in a long time.
It's crazy to go from living in this type of community -- the support, accountability, love, encouragement, presence that is so constant. And even for all the times I may have wanted to get away from it, have time to myself, for people to just leave me alone -- it really is powerful to live like that, and when it is suddenly gone, it really hurts. I truly grew to love all those fools this summer, especially Becky, Tyler and Ricardo. Despite how we must have felt when we met each other, having nothing at all in common, wondering how in the world this summer was ever going to work out, God drew us together, and I'm walking away from this summer with a bunch of life-long, dependable friends.
I kind of hate the closing retreat because it makes me forget about all the crap we deal with during the summer and makes me love YouthWorks again. Honestly, last night I was listening to someone talk about a site in Wyoming and I was like, "Yeah, I could totally do this next summer and go to a rural or reservation site!" It's sort of absurd. I hope I have a real job by next summer so I don't have to fight about whether or not to come back.
So, I'm at KJ's now in Greeley -- he picked me up from Applebee's and we went to lunch with his friend, Dale, who has been working with him on the book he wants me to edit. We had good, stimulating conversation about the relevant church, youth missions, and mega-churches over pizza with artichokes and avocados and cream cheese and tomatoes. We went to KJ's church and he showed me some of the stuff he's been working on with his youth group. He's really doing an amazing job out here -- it was just refreshing and encouraging to see a youth pastor who cares about his kids, who wants to challenge them and engage them, who is helping them grow, after all the jerks we've seen this summer who don't seem to care. He also made me edit a letter his secretary wrote for him. With a red pen.
We hung out with his youth tonight at a Tuesday night "Cafe" hang-out thing they do. At first I was like, "If I have to engage with kids one more night I'm going to knife myself in the eye," but it was good. His kids are cool, and it was awesome to see a bit of their post-mission-trip processing, just to reinforce that they get something out of it. I also got to hang out with an adult leader from San Francisco two years ago and just catch up with her, which was great. The bonds I've made through YouthWorks never cease to amaze me.
It's been awesome to chill with KJ and Yendra at their house -- all of which are awesome. Yendra is really cool; I like her a lot. I had really no idea what to expect of her, but she's a really sweet girl and it was great to talk with her this evening. Their house is really cute -- they've done a ton of work on it and have made it into a home. Instead of a TV in their living room, they have a lilly pond/waterfall thing with fish in it. KJ said that not having a TV forces them to talk to each other and hang out together, even when they might not want to. They're working on their basement now, and I have it all to myself for my stay -- a room with a big double bed, a bathroom with my own shower. It's cool to see KJ and Yendra together -- I can hear them talking upstairs in bed, and it's really cute. I'm sure they have their share of troubles, as any young couple does, but they are cute together and it's just nice to be around them.
I'm going to turn in early, being as I slept about 3 hours last night. KJ is taking the day off tomorrow and we're going to Estes Park to hang out at cafes and talk about his book, and then I'm finding some way back to the city to my hostel. Train-ing out bright and early Thursday morning to Albuquerque!
Sunday, August 07, 2005
"California's Been Good to Me; Hope it Don't Fall into the Sea. . ."
I'm writing from the road -- I-70 West in Utah. I made a sweet On-the-Go playlist for Tracy, Becky, Stephen and I to listen to -- one thing I hadn't realized I'd missed so much this summer is music. It has been amazing to just listen to good music while driving. There's pretty much nothing like it. Utah is still gorgeous -- amazing rock formations, puffy white clouds, open road. I hope my drive from Albuquerque to Glenwood is as nice.
So, this summer is almost over. We had a great last week. 38 kids -- 6 from Denver, 13 from outside Minneapolis, and the rest from Medford, Oregon. All the Oregon groups we've had this summer have been really awesome -- just good people, unique personalities, kind of hippies. Two of the adult leaders brewed fresh French press coffee every morning, and always saved a cup for me, so that was nice. I'm looking forward to drinking coffee other than the Costco blend, too. The group from Minnesota was probably my favorite church group of the whole summer -- they totally redeemed the real jerkfaced Minnesotans we had earlier in the summer. They were just a really great group of kids; their youth pastor was hilarious and always doing crazy stuff with them.
I really connected with a girl named Samira, and we stayed up late talking pretty much every night. It was really the only meaningful interaction I had with a student, one-on-one, the whole summer. She was sixteen, struggling with many of the things 16-year-olds struggle with, but she thought about them more than most 16-year-olds do. She wasn't a Christian (her dad was Muslim and her mom didn't really believe anything) and she was just full of questions -- from "Do you believe in evolution?" to "How do you know there is a God?" to "How do you know when God is telling you something?" to "Do you think gay people go to hell?" to "Do you believe there is a hell?" I could go on. The highlight was when I used GORP to explain the trinity to her when she asked about that. She told me on Wednesday night how she just wanted to feel God, she just wanted to cry, to be overcome with emotion and know that God was there. On Thursday, I prayed that God would just move, that He would just make Himself so evident to her that she couldn't possibly miss it. So after footwashing, she says she wants to talk, and fires the questions away again -- "How do you know when is the right time to accept Christ?" -- and I realized that God was going to use me to move for her, that I was going to answer my own prayer. So, it was cool to be a part of that, and I enjoyed talking with her a lot.
Friday and Saturday were a bit stressful, trying to pack up, say goodbye to everyone, get my travel plans in order for the next few weeks. But we got on the road about noon yesterday, and drove to Richfield, Utah, to spend the night at the Luxury Inn. We will get to Denver today -- our goal is to average 75 mph. We'll stay with our Region at a nice hotel downtown tonight, and then wrap everything up at the retreat tomorrow.
Yesterday, I booked my plane ticket home from Albuquerque and reserved a rental car for Jut and I to drive around the Southwest. I'm pretty much psyched out of my mind to get down there. This summer has been really good for Jut and I; although there have been frustrations with being so out of communication, so out of context with our relationship, I feel 100% positive about it. Being away from him, meeting so many new people, has really made me realize how much I love him, how good our relationship is, how much better he is than anyone else I know or have ever known. So it will be amazing to see him, hang out for a bunch of days, listen to good music, cook good food together, hike around, drive around -- do all the things we both like to do so much, and be with each other.
The question of this road trip has been, "So, will you do this again?" My first instinct is a resounding NO. Although this summer has been really great -- I've grown a lot, have made a lot of great life-long friends, and gotten an amazing working knowledge of the strangest city I've ever encountered -- there have been a lot of things about YouthWorks (short-term, urban youth missions in general) that I have really disagreed with. I guess it comes down to one of those situations where you have to see if the good things outweigh the bad, and I'm not sure that they do. This summer was frustrating, mostly dealing with YouthWorks chain-of-command issues, having people come to our site and try to tell us how to do things when we'd been doing them well for weeks. I also felt like YouthWorks has grown a lot in the past 2 years, and they have become more about following a schedule, doing things the way they "should" be done, instead of being flexible, caring about people, meeting their needs. It was the little details, the picky-ness, the specifics that I didn't agree with this summer.
I was also conflicted about the kids coming out for a week and leaving feeling like they had made "such a difference" -- this was a summer-long struggle for me, but really sunk in this week. In reality, they didn't make a difference at all -- if they didn't do the work they did, someone else would have done it, and for many of our ministry sites, I felt like they had to scramble and scrounge up work for our volunteers to do, and we were more of a pain than a blessing. When a youth groups goes to a "mission trip" to a place like LA, it is more for their own benefit than the community's, and I felt like no one was honest about that. The real reason kids go to the places they went in LA was so their eyes might be opened to another way of life that they had never seen, to be shocked and awed, to be disgusted that people like this way, while they enjoy such abundance, to inspire them so that once they have the means, they might be able to do something to make a difference. But instead, they come away feeling good about themselves, like they've helped so many people. That is not the point.
This is the 7th consecutive summer that YouthWorks has been an integral part of for me -- that's a long time. I complain about youth groups that have been on too many YouthWorks trips, because they have expectations of how things should or shouldn't be. But I'm beginning to wonder if I am falling into that category -- if I have taken too many YouthWorks trips and it's time for me to go. Nadine has talked to me about being a Site Director next summer, and if I happened to be living in San Francisco by next year that could be really cool -- but I think I'd probably only consider working with them again if I didn't have a job by next summer. I think with another year of real-world experience, a YouthWorks summer might be pretty close to unbearable.
It will be nice to get this over and start thinking about Prague. I am getting excited for it -- for the complete difference between that and YouthWorks, for the new city to explore, for the people to meet, and for the amazing Czech beer to drink.
I think I'm going to read to try to nap or just enjoy looking out the window. 300 miles from Denver. . .
So, this summer is almost over. We had a great last week. 38 kids -- 6 from Denver, 13 from outside Minneapolis, and the rest from Medford, Oregon. All the Oregon groups we've had this summer have been really awesome -- just good people, unique personalities, kind of hippies. Two of the adult leaders brewed fresh French press coffee every morning, and always saved a cup for me, so that was nice. I'm looking forward to drinking coffee other than the Costco blend, too. The group from Minnesota was probably my favorite church group of the whole summer -- they totally redeemed the real jerkfaced Minnesotans we had earlier in the summer. They were just a really great group of kids; their youth pastor was hilarious and always doing crazy stuff with them.
I really connected with a girl named Samira, and we stayed up late talking pretty much every night. It was really the only meaningful interaction I had with a student, one-on-one, the whole summer. She was sixteen, struggling with many of the things 16-year-olds struggle with, but she thought about them more than most 16-year-olds do. She wasn't a Christian (her dad was Muslim and her mom didn't really believe anything) and she was just full of questions -- from "Do you believe in evolution?" to "How do you know there is a God?" to "How do you know when God is telling you something?" to "Do you think gay people go to hell?" to "Do you believe there is a hell?" I could go on. The highlight was when I used GORP to explain the trinity to her when she asked about that. She told me on Wednesday night how she just wanted to feel God, she just wanted to cry, to be overcome with emotion and know that God was there. On Thursday, I prayed that God would just move, that He would just make Himself so evident to her that she couldn't possibly miss it. So after footwashing, she says she wants to talk, and fires the questions away again -- "How do you know when is the right time to accept Christ?" -- and I realized that God was going to use me to move for her, that I was going to answer my own prayer. So, it was cool to be a part of that, and I enjoyed talking with her a lot.
Friday and Saturday were a bit stressful, trying to pack up, say goodbye to everyone, get my travel plans in order for the next few weeks. But we got on the road about noon yesterday, and drove to Richfield, Utah, to spend the night at the Luxury Inn. We will get to Denver today -- our goal is to average 75 mph. We'll stay with our Region at a nice hotel downtown tonight, and then wrap everything up at the retreat tomorrow.
Yesterday, I booked my plane ticket home from Albuquerque and reserved a rental car for Jut and I to drive around the Southwest. I'm pretty much psyched out of my mind to get down there. This summer has been really good for Jut and I; although there have been frustrations with being so out of communication, so out of context with our relationship, I feel 100% positive about it. Being away from him, meeting so many new people, has really made me realize how much I love him, how good our relationship is, how much better he is than anyone else I know or have ever known. So it will be amazing to see him, hang out for a bunch of days, listen to good music, cook good food together, hike around, drive around -- do all the things we both like to do so much, and be with each other.
The question of this road trip has been, "So, will you do this again?" My first instinct is a resounding NO. Although this summer has been really great -- I've grown a lot, have made a lot of great life-long friends, and gotten an amazing working knowledge of the strangest city I've ever encountered -- there have been a lot of things about YouthWorks (short-term, urban youth missions in general) that I have really disagreed with. I guess it comes down to one of those situations where you have to see if the good things outweigh the bad, and I'm not sure that they do. This summer was frustrating, mostly dealing with YouthWorks chain-of-command issues, having people come to our site and try to tell us how to do things when we'd been doing them well for weeks. I also felt like YouthWorks has grown a lot in the past 2 years, and they have become more about following a schedule, doing things the way they "should" be done, instead of being flexible, caring about people, meeting their needs. It was the little details, the picky-ness, the specifics that I didn't agree with this summer.
I was also conflicted about the kids coming out for a week and leaving feeling like they had made "such a difference" -- this was a summer-long struggle for me, but really sunk in this week. In reality, they didn't make a difference at all -- if they didn't do the work they did, someone else would have done it, and for many of our ministry sites, I felt like they had to scramble and scrounge up work for our volunteers to do, and we were more of a pain than a blessing. When a youth groups goes to a "mission trip" to a place like LA, it is more for their own benefit than the community's, and I felt like no one was honest about that. The real reason kids go to the places they went in LA was so their eyes might be opened to another way of life that they had never seen, to be shocked and awed, to be disgusted that people like this way, while they enjoy such abundance, to inspire them so that once they have the means, they might be able to do something to make a difference. But instead, they come away feeling good about themselves, like they've helped so many people. That is not the point.
This is the 7th consecutive summer that YouthWorks has been an integral part of for me -- that's a long time. I complain about youth groups that have been on too many YouthWorks trips, because they have expectations of how things should or shouldn't be. But I'm beginning to wonder if I am falling into that category -- if I have taken too many YouthWorks trips and it's time for me to go. Nadine has talked to me about being a Site Director next summer, and if I happened to be living in San Francisco by next year that could be really cool -- but I think I'd probably only consider working with them again if I didn't have a job by next summer. I think with another year of real-world experience, a YouthWorks summer might be pretty close to unbearable.
It will be nice to get this over and start thinking about Prague. I am getting excited for it -- for the complete difference between that and YouthWorks, for the new city to explore, for the people to meet, and for the amazing Czech beer to drink.
I think I'm going to read to try to nap or just enjoy looking out the window. 300 miles from Denver. . .
Monday, August 01, 2005
Bicky & Meg - Toothbrushing
My dream every day is for Bicky to brush her teeth with me before bed, and this is the first time she actually did. Oh, Bicky.
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