Presence

When I told KJ I wanted to unlpug for the weekend I was going to be in Greeley, he was pumped. He said it would be great because it would allow me to be "fully" there.

It's so true. How many times am I doing one thing but thinking about another? How often am I with one person but checking my phone to see if another has contacted me? So much that I feel I'm rarely fully there, actually present doing any one thing. At work, I'm always doing 400 things at once, in the middle of lots of different projects, carrying on IM conversations with five people, drafting three or four emails at any given moment. Even when I'm at home, I'm simultaneously checking my email, watching TV, playing with Snaut, cooking dinner, or whatever else. How can I really be doing any of these things well if I'm trying to do them all at once?

Multitasking is a good skill to have, but I feel that I've gotten too good at it. I can juggle so many things at once that I don't know how to just focus on one anymore. Sitting and making myself just read or just write has become difficult; I get antsy when I try to do one thing, start to finish. Just like savoring the moment, I need to slow down, to re-learn how to focus.

I feel that being present is most important with people, though, that I need to cultivate this most in my relationships. When I am spending time with someone, I want to be fully there, intentional about spending that time with that person, focusing on that person and our relationship. I hope to receive that kind of presence from the people in my life, and there's absolutely no excuse for me to not give it to them.


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"And I just want to stand outside and know that this is right, and this is true, and I will not fade into, fade into the night." - The Eels